


Guests

by Fuguestate



Category: Watchmen - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor, Kinkmeme prompt fill, Parody, Watchmen Kinkmeme, intentional Mary-Sue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-27
Updated: 2010-08-27
Packaged: 2017-10-24 03:36:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/258510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuguestate/pseuds/Fuguestate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"<i>Jon already <b>knows</b> how they all get back home, but he’s not giving any hints or anything because he’s too busy being a big blue inscrutable dork.</i>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guests

It wasn’t my fault, I swear.

Okay, more accurately – it wasn’t _consciously_ my fault. It’s not like I suddenly decided, “I know... today I’ll violate the laws of time and space as we know them and open up a trans-dimensional rift.” Even though that’s pretty much what happened.

I don’t know, maybe the last trip to the comic store meant I hit some cosmic critical mass of Alan Moore-squared-plus-Neil Gaiman-divided-by-too-many-games-of-Myst-to-the-power-of-Doctor Who. All I know is that our two-bedroom apartment is currently hosting fourteen unannounced guests and bursting at the seams.

You might think that being a fan would be an advantage in a circumstance like this. And to some extent you’d be right – unless you happen to be in possession of multiple versions of your very confused, deductive-minded and _potentially violent_ guests’ life stories, as well as treatises on their world and characters, and oh yeah – about half a ton of fanfiction and NSFW art. I had to threaten to start calling them all by their first names to head off a stampede for our bookshelves. Not that that helped with the Old Guard, necessarily – they’re here too, in their costumed prime even – but that at least made the magnitude of the situation clear. After about an hour I managed to impart at least a bare-bones Fannish vocabulary to them. Trying to teach two generations at once who are _both_ completely unfamiliar with your own is all sorts of fun.

There aren’t enough places to sit, so we’re looking downright Bohemian at the moment with people lounging on the floor and sitting on chair-arms. Those with capes have already set them aside for practicality’s sake (and I’ve half a mind to show them _The Incredibles_ just because I _can_.) It’s like the world’s most hallucinogenic dorm in here. Especially considering the, well. The _smell_. Latex and leather may look all sexy and badass, but in a real-life summer it is _fragrant_ , let me tell you. Especially when one of your guests has a certain disdain for deodorant. And no, it’s not Rorschach – it’s HJ. Rorschach’s group was in the first Crimebuster’s meeting when all this happened, so he’s still got all his pronouns and everything. (I guess 1966 Nelson is standing by his map looking all confused right now, because only his younger self is here. Standing really close to HJ. Who is letting him.)

We are graaaadually figuring out what to do now. Which is kind of stupid because Jon already _knows_ how they all get back home, but he’s not giving any hints or anything because he’s too busy being a big blue inscrutable dork. And petting our cats, who seem to like the staticky hair-standing-on-end thing that happens when he touches them. Whatever. I’m just glad he’s still at the “Speedo” stage of de-costuming.

Hollis, bless him, has been rounding up pizza orders for me since the Chinese takeout and frozen insta-food are now long gone. Their cash is similar enough to ours – just looks old, really – and they put together a fairly nice collection to pay their own way. Gotta love overgrown Boy Scouts sometimes. And I have to say, Hollis and Dan are just the cutest thing ever… Dan’s all starry-eyed getting to see his hero at his peak, and Hollis is all chuffed and bashful that he has a legacy. Byron’s pretty happily curled up with our copy of “Everything You Know Is Wrong” while Bill debates various points with him, and Silhouette’s currently amusing herself by reading over my shoulder. I’ve half a mind to write something completely inappropriate, just because she’s smoking hot and I’m that immature. Oh my – made her blush. Who’d’ve thunk it? Especially the way she’s been checking Janey out when she thinks no one’s looking. Laurie’s got my iPod and is busy destroying her eardrums, while Eddie... had me worried at first. His older self came across with the Crimebusters and he didn’t do well with pre-rape-attempt Sally being here. Aside from the obvious, she and Laurie are close to the same age now and that’s just weird. He’s doing a lot better now that we set him up with the Xbox in the other room – currently, he’s kicking Ozy’s ass at _Call of Duty_ and snickering at Ozy’s grumbling about “spraying  & praying”. I think The World's Smartest Man’s just pissy because Eddie insists on barreling into all his pretty would-be sniper shots.

Really, though, I’m just glad they’re all more or less occupied now; gives me more time to get my own shit together. I’ve got a copy of the GN and I’m going to have a talk with Rorschach, for a start. The hell with timeline – they’re _all_ getting a turn.

Except for Jon. Because he already knows.

Big dork.

**Author's Note:**

> Written in a fit of shameless self-indulgence for a Kinkmeme prompt. I regret nothing.


End file.
